I was the firstborn and only son of an engineer father and an artist mother. I gathered wildflowers and painted on the walls, I visited art, science, and history museums in the nearby metropolis. I had fish, then a dog that I love still to this day although he was allotted only 14 years with us, and went to sports events with my father while my mother took me to art classes. I had an amazing childhood, despite being molested by a neighbor boy. That damaged me to the core, but that demon kept itself hidden for decades- I realized that I was molested at 5 years old while I was in therapy at the age of 33. I had been withdrawn and fearful most of the rest of my adolescence. What I became was a fiend for knowledge, I voraciously read through novels, Shark Week, WW2 History, learned new skills and information quickly, but was always socially awkward. I excelled academically but emotionally I was broken and naïve. When a senior in High School, I applied to a dozen colleges but when all my friends got their acceptance letters back- I had not. I assumed that I was getting rejection letters, so I sought a path that did not include fast food, as I was already overweight. That is when the recruiter found me, and changed my life for the better. I learned confidence, I learned a trade, I learned discipline. I had been accepted to many of those colleges but I had already signed the agreement to show up to MEPS and was unaware I could still go to college if I did not take the Oath of Enlistment.
After boot camp, I went to my trade school training (not infantry) and was then sent to my first duty station. I was at first underestimated and assigned to a platoon medium machine gun team, as we were an Infantry battalion. When I was not at a gun shoot, I was working and then the command noticed my competency and drive. They trained me in other aspects of our trade, and when I mastered that quickly- they gave me more. When the Iraq invasion came, I was pulled from the gun team and given more responsibility. With that responsibility, I was repeatedly trusted to ensure that my different units passed inspections over my decade of service.
After Iraq, we were sent to Afghanistan where I re-enlisted in country for a tax-free signing bonus and orders out of the Infantry. I served in a Base Unit, a Tank Company, and a Command Unit and worked with Reservists. The years were rough physically and when it was time to re-enlist again my body said no for me. I left the service for government contracting in simulations, training deploying units. I did this for eight years over two different simulations devices and four different bases. Contracting paid so well, I purchased a friend’s business and when I stopped training others- I ran my store and eventually made a second one.
Despite all this success, I was still not whole-depression hounded me. The reason was that loss followed me: my first divorce while I was in service drained me for years, my second divorce cost me everything I had built contracting, but my third divorce is what broke me- I lost my daughter. I was inconsolable for 9 months, then the things I had been studying to try to understand it all began to connect. I found the answer to every question I had ever asked and would ever ask again. With that relief, I found the desire to share this answer.